In America we eat man semen.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
