I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
