i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
