No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
