mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
