i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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