Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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