I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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