Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
