Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
