Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize