just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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