So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
