Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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