i need an iv and a liver transplant
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
