If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
