dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
