Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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