Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
