What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize