Porn is love you can see.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
