I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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