I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
