You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize