They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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