It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
