Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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