Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
