I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
