if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
