He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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