Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
