so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
