Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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