saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
