So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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