We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
