12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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