They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I would ride that face into the sunset
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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