A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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