I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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