the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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