All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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