WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
