i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
