I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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