After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
