Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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