i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
