i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
