you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
