I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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