My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What drink are we having for lunch?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
