Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
