you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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