My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize