ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
