All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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