Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
