So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
