Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
