Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
