And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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