she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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