We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
