It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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