I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
