btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
